Sure, we’re sheltering at home. Sure, we’re physically closer to our families for longer periods of time. Sure, there’s no place like home.
But… what if you don’t know how to connect or relate to the people you love? What if it’s not a matter of lacking the will to do it, but more that you lack a way to do it?
And… what if you’re noticing someone you love, who you can’t get through to and they seem to be pulling further way?
Sure, you ask them if any thing is wrong. Sure, you tell them that they might feel better if they talk, but then when they do your anxiety gets the better of you and you rush with advice and solutions they don’t want.
Remember, when you ask someone how they’re doing and they say, “Great,” they’re usually good. But, when you ask them and they say, “I’m fine,” they’re usually not.
What if this is this is what your child wants you to know, but won’t tell you?
As that video shows, your loved one who is emotionally distant even at closer range than usual, may not want advice or solutions (even though they need them), and may not even want to feel understood by you.
What they may want is to “feel felt” by you.
To help you do that, play the above video with them and ask them how it fits or doesn’t fit.
Something else that might help you is my book, “Just Listen,” which became the top book on listening in the world. It is is about how to listen into people in a way that causes them to feel felt. And when that happens you might not just penetrate into their emotional isolation, you might just save a life.
Here is a GetAbstract book summary of “Just Listen,“ to give you a taste of it.
A final suggestion to help you connect with the people you love and with anyone. Learn to focus on what they’re listening for, not just what they’re listening to.