The Website of Dr. Mark Goulston

Usable Insight – Lost in Transaction

Once upon a time long, long ago
in a world not so far away
men cherished women, women admired men,
both respected and appreciated each other
and then relating gave way to negotiation
and everything fell apart

Twenty years ago a man from a primitive tribe in South America came to New York City and was asked, “What do you think?”

He replied, “They don’t see the sky.”

He recently returned and was asked the same question.

This time he replied, “They don’t even see each other.”

Transactional myopia, i.e. get the deal, do the deal, next deal, may bring you fun and excitement, but it will never make you happy or bring you joy.

How important are the presence of the following in your life to your feeling happy?

Little = 1; Somewhat = 2; Very = 3

  1. Warmth*
  2. Tenderness
  3. Lovingness
  4. Caring
  5. Kindness
  6. Acceptance
  7. Generosity
  8. Patience
  9. Satisfaction
  10. Fulfillment
  11. Meaningfulness
  12. Joy

How present are the above in in your life?

Little = 1; Somewhat = 2; Very = 3

If there is a gap, when are you going to begin to close it?

Why not talk to the people closest to you about the first steps you and they should take to do that?

If you are willing, share your two scores in the comments section or email them to me at: mgoulston@markgoulston.com

Also:

* Huffington Post: Human Cooling, Global Warming and Childhood Obesity

And now for your viewing and listening pleasure:

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This entry was posted on Friday, April 20th, 2012 at 9:36 am and is filed under Marriage/Relationship, Usable Insights. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

8 Responses to “Usable Insight – Lost in Transaction”

  1. Jefferey Rodriques Says:
    April 20th, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    I agree 100%, hopefully more people view this,’liked’.

  2. Dale Laford Says:
    April 21st, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    Not sure if I agree 100% but def. a good take, love reading others opinions.

  3. Terry Lynne Hale Says:
    April 23rd, 2012 at 3:52 am

    These things are SO important and I am blessed to experience a 36/30 score in my relationship with my husband & most other close relationships. “Acceptance” and “patience” might be the trickiest to consistently give and receive.

    I enjoyed your book “Just Listen” so very much that I downloaded the audio on my iPod so I can hear it while driving in my car. “Repetition is the mother of all learning..”

    Thanks Dr. Goulston for your useable insights- they truly are!

  4. Mark Says:
    April 23rd, 2012 at 10:06 am

    Thank you Jeffery, Dale an Terry for taking the time to respond.

    Terry, Congrats on your score! Yours is the best so far.

  5. Ellen Cohlmia Says:
    April 23rd, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    Miguel de Cervantes: “A little in one’s own pocket is better than much in another man’s purse.”

  6. Elisa Says:
    April 23rd, 2012 at 8:17 pm

    31 importance
    18 actual – going through a rough patch relationship-wise. of course, can’t rely on others for your happiness, but sometimes they make it super difficult!

  7. Terry Says:
    April 25th, 2012 at 7:17 am

    33/25 Not too bad. Still needs improvement. Thanks for your insight.

  8. Kath Says:
    April 26th, 2012 at 9:11 am

    48/28 Somethings are diffidently missing in my life. Time for a rebooting.