Usable Insight – There are no such things as mistakes
A mistake stops being a mistake when you make amends (if necessary) for it,
learn the lesson it has to teach you,
and implement that lesson going forward so that it never recurs.
For many years, like many other people I had a fear of making mistakes. Then I realized something that changed it forever. I discovered that if after making a mistake I said to myself, “Don’t do anything to make things worse for 48 hours,” and actually followed through on it, I would learn valuable things and even on occasion have breakthroughs that never would have happened if I hadn’t messed up.
If on the other hand I did do something to make it worse such as eating, drinking, spending, pouting, becoming sullen and/or getting angry at someone else, I would miss out on learning that important lesson because I would be too busy doing damage control.
Something that has helped me “white knuckle” it through the moments when I am most tempted to do something impulsive and self-defeating after I mess up is to conjure up the image of someone who cared about me, believed in me and who I respected. I then engage in a conversation with that person in my head about how upset I am at myself. Not only does it help talk me down, it helps me feel grateful to and miss those people (who have now died) which feels like the better side of my personality beginning to take back control of my actions.
Tags: mistakes, self-defeating behavior, self-help
December 8th, 2009 at 11:46 pm
Dr. Mark,
I pleased to hear that we share a common technique.
I lost my spouse of 35 loved filled years and I believe I can contact her with my thoughts. She’s my connection to a greater consciousness. Her answers to my situations make perfect sense are always ‘on the Mark’; –just as Your advise has always been for me. I feel blessed to be able to make a connection to both a ‘higher power’ and an earthly advisor. Thank You. All the Best, Phil
December 13th, 2009 at 11:38 am
Valuable thoughts and advices. I read your topic with great interest.
January 23rd, 2010 at 9:21 am
Dr. Mark you are so right. I think the fear of making mistakes is one of the biggest human problems. Thank you for this very interesting post!
May 6th, 2010 at 8:35 am
Thanks for the informative post. It helped me a lot. May the Force be with you.