A: You

Wouldn’t you agree?

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1. Tell other people — The single greatest tip for keeping a New Year’s Resolution according to David Ackert, President of The Ackert Advisory a business development firm in Los Angeles is telling the person(s) you most respect, whose esteem is most important to you and who you would least want to feel disappointed in you.  In fact, the more you resist selecting such people, the less your commitment to your resolutions.
2. Be realistic — Don’t confuse reasonable expectations with realistic expectations. Reasonable means “makes sense.” Realistic means “likely to happen.” It may be reasonable to stop procrastinating, improve your time management, confront people you need to confront, not to mention start a new diet and begin exercising, but it may not be realistic to change all of them at once.
3. Set specific goals – Seek the input of others goals for you to accomplish that will best set you up to succeed in your job and career. Ask them what they feel you are truly excellent at and what would be a goal that would best utilize the special skill. One of the greatest benefits about coming from a place that you are excellent at is that it is where you have the most confidence and where you least have to embellish or b.s. anyone.
4. Have a plan — Most people have a clearer idea of how they want to feel (as in happier, healthier, richer) than they have a clear picture of what things need to be done to get there. You know the saying, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” The reverse is more often true, i.e. “Where there’s a way, there’s a will.” Have a step-by-step plan for how to achieve your goals. The more specific and more you can visualize the steps the greater chance of your following through.
5. Write it down — You wouldn’t build a house without a blueprint, would you? Write down what you need to stop doing and what you need to start doing to reach your goals. Writing down your goals and plans increases your commitment.
6. Use the buddy system — Partner with someone who is also trying to keep their New Year’s resolutions to increase your dedication. Stopping negative habits and replacing them with positive behavior is easier when you have a buddy system with a good friend or co-worker. Doing New Year’s Resolutions with another person reduces the pain of doing without that unhealthy habit you’re trying to break.
7. Eliminate energy vampires — One reason you fall off commitments that require sustained effort that you need a quick fix every time you deal with negative people or no-win situations. These can be so exhausting that you say “the heck with” your diet or exercise and grab a candy bar or bail on exercising. Find a way to reduce contact with these people and situations and you’ll dramatically increase your energy and be able to stay on track.
8. Stick with it — A couple years ago I attended a training by terrific people from Simple Team Solutions (www.simpleteamsolutions.com), a company founded by Greg Wingard, creator and author of The Red Bucket Strategy. Their program achieves phenomenal measurable results by having people select an important goal and then doing something specific for 10-15 minutes max daily for 90 days to achieve it. They believe that this is the time for a new behavior that takes a lot of energy to keep up into an internalized one that you automatically do and is nearly effortless. I was so impressed with them that I will focus an entire column on their work in the near future.

Usable Insight: Follow through means never having to say you’re sorry

For many years, like many other people I had a fear of making mistakes.  Then I realized something that changed it forever.  I discovered that if after making a mistake I said to myself, “Don’t do anything to make things worse for 48 hours,” and actually followed through on it, I would learn valuable things and even on occasion have breakthroughs that never would have happened if I hadn’t messed up.

If on the other hand I did do something to make it worse such as eating, drinking, spending, pouting, becoming sullen and/or getting angry at someone else, I would miss out on learning that important lesson because I would be too busy doing damage control.

Something that has helped me “white knuckle” it through the moments when I am most tempted to do something impulsive and self-defeating after I mess up is to conjure up the image of someone who cared about me, believed in me and who I respected.   I then engage in a conversation with that person in my head about how upset I am at myself.  Not only does it help talk me down, it helps me feel grateful to and miss those people (who have now died) which feels like the better side of my personality beginning to take back control of my actions.

Pseudo-independent – You act un-needy, but you’re really prideful, don’t believe anyone else will do it right and don’t want to be beholding to anyone. You can’t really do life without other people. Your “empire” is no more than a Glass Menagerie, but as long as you don’t see it that way, it doesn’t seem to matter to you that everyone else does.

Independent – You are needful. You lean into people. You get input from others, but keep your problems as your responsibility. You are mature enough to realize that until you can be effectively interdependent, you can’t be independent.

Also: How to Become Independent

(c) 2009 Mark Goulston