As appearing in the January 29, 2012 Sunday Los Angeles Times Business Section:

The challenge is how when women arrive in those positions they can gain cooperation, collaboration and even affection.  Yes even more than men they may need to have people feel warmly towards them.  Men such as President Bill Clinton don’t have trouble showing a warmth which works for him, but women in power seem hesitant to use their feminine charm in a man’s world out of concern for appearing lightweight, manipulative or needing to use it to make up for something that is lacking.

One of the most important keys to getting through to anyone and then influencing them is to realize that inside everyone’s mind, they listen to someone or something.  It could be a person outside, such as an inner city child to their mother, or an athlete on an all star team listening to their all star coach.  Over time, that outside influencer becomes someone or something a person listens to inside their mind thereafter.

If during childhood you were fortunate to have a parent who drilled into you, “You can be anything you want to be if you try hard enough at it,” and then supported you in actions, that is something you take with you all your life.

Alternatively if during your childhood you had a parent who drilled into you, “You are stupid and will never amount to anything,” and then negated any triumph with, “you were just lucky,” that can spur you on to prove them wrong (which will usually tinge your ambition with anger) or more likely will break your spirits and push you to drugs, alcohol, bad eating and other habits to soothe your wounds.

Which brings me back to women who are put in a position of leadership and have the chance to be the rising tide that raises all other capable women to bring to those positions all the wonderful traits that women possess that men don’t.

To get through to men, you need to get “into their listening,” i.e. determine who and what they’re listening to and then adapt to that style.  This is not to be confused with fawning deference and telling them what they want to be told.  It’s about telling them how they want to be told.

Now for a little cross gender translation.

Two of the things that men do that drive most competent, capable and conscientious women to distraction and a facial expression that communicates it is first, they appear to b.s. and posture a great deal, especially at the beginning of meetings and before events that seem to waste company or organizational time. Second, although women may become “dramatic” in their tone of conversation (which seems more costly than a man sounding arrogant because men feel so powerless in dealing with an emotional woman), men appear to act out more on immoral and immature impulses.  I haven’t researched this, but I would imagine that far more many men on a business trip turn a “massage” into something much more than do women. Far more men brag and pontificate in the business world than women.  And in the extreme, far more men will literally start a war than will women.

Such behavior may cause many competent and capable women to view such behavior and think of such men as: “Arrogant, boorish, liars, cheaters, bullsh**ers, greedy and immoral.”

Now imagine if instead of internally judging men you women were to ask a composite/avatar male, “Why do you really do all those things?” Then imagine if they were to say this to you:

“One reason I and the other men engage in banter before any meeting or session, — and I am aware that sometimes it goes on too long — is because we are all conflict avoidant. And rather than confronting someone head on about their unerperformance, lack of accountability or even something minor like their punctuality, we will needle and tease and be sarcastic and hope they get the hint.  You might think of that as being passive aggressive, I think of it as being indirectly aggressive.

An other deeper reason I engage or allow the b.s. is because it is a way to feel out and take a temperature on all the other people in the room.  It is often a way of revealing who is the most irritable, angry, agitated person and most likely to say or do something in the meeting that could be entirely disruptive and destructive.  It’s a way to know who those individuals are ahead of time and to inwardly prepare or steel myself to deal with them if it happens.

Women may not be aware of this, but built into the unconscious of most men is the belief that if you rub another male individual the wrong way and provoke them enough, they actually may come back and shoot you.  There is that primitive uncontrollable side to most men.  All you have to do is check the news on any given day to see examples of it being unleashed.

On a more personal side, I live in a world in which I feel much is expected and demanded of me from all sides and in a world in which I don’t trust anyone.  I don’t trust what they say and I don’t usually believe they will do what they say or do exactly what they say to the letter.  And when I ask them about it, I expect them to come up with an excuse for not doing what they said they would do.  Even in my marriage I no longer expect to be greeted with the warmth and understanding from my wife who I still love, but with whom we have drifted away from liking each other or being able to put a smile on each other’s face.

Furthermore, as a result of all this anticipatory disappointment and not having a way around it, I feel stress at any moment in time and look for ways to relieve it.  And some of those ways are not things I would want others, including my board, business partners, subordinates, wife, kids or my mother to find out about.  These activities can include, drinking too much, using cocaine and/or other drugs, paying for hookers, using pornography, expensing things I shouldn’t, not refusing to hear or putting an end to ‘inside’ information that can give me or my department/company an illegal leg up and the list goes on.

To make things worse, at any given point in time I am a little paranoid that any and all of these things I do to cope with stress or even worse that are just unethical or immoral with no excuses will be exposed and then it will escalate and destroy me.

Despite knowing this, I still continue to indulge myself in these, because the stress is nearly unbearable, they have become addictions or the adrenaline rush is too overpowering and I don’t know what else to do.  As you can see, there are many things I not only feel paranoid about, but deeply ashamed of.  And I would never trust anyone to forgive me for things I have trouble forgiving myself for when my internally justifying them falls short. I just don’t seem to be able to stop them.  Welcome to my world.”

What would be your response as that competent, capable woman?

My guess is you would be upset and even greatly disappointed, but not shocked or surprised. My guess is that you might even feel relieved at having the truth be told (as opposed to appear to be hiding something and having it all be left to your imagination) and then if you are the responsible and decent person you are, you would not guilt trip or scold, you would figure out what the best course of action for all concerned and point or guide or take that man towards it and also inform him of your responsibilities especially your legal and ethical ones upon discovering these matters.

Now let’s try some gender translation from the other direction.

Men, imagine a woman who seems direct, no-nonsense, humorless, impatient when you crack a joke, appears to think you are making a fool or a-hole of yourself and even if she doesn’t say it will have it appear on her face for everyone in the room to see (who actually may agree with her, but being other men participate in the “code of honor” among men to not call each other on b.s. or posturing).

In your mind what you think these women are saying to themselves: “What a jerk, a-hole, bunch of incompetent men who are busy stroking each other, bunch of nonsense, waste of company and my time and I have better things to do.”

Now imagine your asking a competent, composite/avatar women executive, “What’s behind your negative attitude?” and that she were to say this to you:

“Like you, at any given moment I feel I am expected by people both inside my career and in my personal life to be and do all kinds of things including: be respectful of my male counterparts and superiors when they act up as you have described, laugh at their jokes so as not to embarrass them, be a team player even if some of my male CEO counterparts are not, be tough and strong but not come off as bitchy or arrogant.  Now the list gets even more unmanageable… unless I totally have a house husband (which creates a whole other list of complications for my home life) I am also expected to be still on top of the details regarding my children, their school, my parents, even my husband’s parents and also the myriad of details that my husband is supposed to take care of but are just not in his skill set, and oh, yes, to never make my husband feel that I don’t respect and value and believe in him.  Plus if there needs to be any confrontations in any of these roles, I need to be the tough “b*tch” to stand up for it.

That means that at anytime, every role I play – CEO, Chairman, face of the company, multiple committee member, board member in community, mother, wife, daughter, sister – do not compete for importance.  This company is the most important company I work for, this board is the most important board I am Chairman of, my marriage is the most important marriage I have, my children are the most important children I have, etc.  They are all important, but all of them compete for time.

One of the reasons I have a look of disdain or frustration on my face is not about what or how people are acting up or acting out, not to say I condone any behavior that is illegal, unethical or immoral, but about how it is taking up too much of my time when I need to get to the next role I need to play.

In fact as long as the behavior isn’t illegal, unethical or immoral, I am much less concerned about it than if the communication that is going on is pertinent and relevant and time efficient to all the specific tasks we are each responsible for and the shared goals we are working on.  Otherwise I am just eager to get back to work and my myriad of responsibilities.”

What would be your response as that occasionally b.s.ing, posturing guy?

My guess it might be, “Oh I thought she was judging and laughing at me.  I didn’t think about her having all those roles and responsibilities at any moment and that she just wants to find out what she needs to do or stop doing and then go out to focus on another of those roles. Hey I can understand that, because I am often in the same position of being pulled at by everyone and just wanting any conversation or meeting to get to the point so that I can get on with what I have to get done.”

God only knows we need a great role model as a leader who is more leader than they are male or female, who is more about their mission that serves everyone than about ego and personal ambition that only serves them.

May all current and future women executives take on that role, fulfill it and become the role model for a leader that both men an women and both sides of the aisle in Washington will want to emulate.

Stay Tuned: Calling All Women Executives: Part 2 – How to Not Take the Bait When Baited and Be Smart and Strong Without Coming Across as Aggressive or B*itchy.

Also Stay Tuned for “Women and Leadership Conference in Los Angeles” for Fortune 1000, C-suite women now being planned.

by Mark Goulston and Doc Barham, Xtraordinary Outcomes

“When you use any of these words, how often do your regular employees that will be tasked with executing the details, start to salivate with enthusiasm and have a look that says, ‘Let me sink my teeth into that!’?” we asked one of our CEO clients.

He started to laugh and said, “Rarely.  In fact, a quarter of the people are looking at their Blackberrys or iPhones to check their messages.”

When you start to talk about any of these, if you can’t see how tentative your people’s smiles are, you are not observant.  If you don’t realize that even if they are smiling and nodding from the neck up (out of deference or fear of authority), they are not engaging from the neck down, you are not clued in.  Most likely you do notice, but these words are so much of your vocabulary, you can’t imagine using others.

Why are these words more likely to feel like nails on a chalkboard to your people than a call to action that excites and spontaneously enrolls them?

In a robust economy where people have emotional breathing room these words might be tolerated or even inspiring.  However in a tight economy where fear abounds consider some of the following that may be on their minds and be distracting them:

• “Will I still have a job in six months?”
• “If I lose my job, where will I go, who will hire me and (if I’m over 45) will I even be hirable?”
• “It’s easy for you to say because you have a golden or silver parachute or a severance package that will give you months to breathe, while I would get two weeks pay and a ‘Goodbye and good luck’.”
• “It’s also easy for you to say, because you’re doing the ‘assigning’ and we will be stuck with the ‘doing’.”
• “You can go back to your office to work on ‘bigger’ issues and we will have to deal with the scarce resources and the lack of cooperation from other parts of our company to achieve what you’re telling us and if we’re in sales, having to come up with a new way to twist the arms of our new and current clients and customers who just want to say, ‘No’.”
• “We talked about these things last year.  Whatever happened to those?”
• “Neither we nor you know specifically or exactly what you mean by those words – most of us don’t even know the difference between vision and mission — and when we work hard to achieve what you want and you then tell us we did the wrong thing, you have no idea how demoralizing that is.”
• “I have a parent or a child or a spouse or a marriage that is falling through the cracks and I’m drinking more, so thank you for something more to add to my ‘to do list’ that is already not getting done.”

Then consider what those seven words have in common:

• They are abstract and leave too much to the imagination.  Imagination –> Misperception –> Misinterpretation –> Missed Execution.
• They require a forward cognitive bias, meaning they require people to look into their future, whereas the majority of people especially when anxious they have a reverse cognitive bias, meaning that they react to things either positively or negatively after they have happened.*

The main problem with using these seven words is that they result in an emotional, psychological and cognitive disconnect between leaders and regular employees right out of the gate when what you most need is something that connects leaders and employees.

One word that seems to connect both leaders and employees is: “outcomes.”  Built into that word is the implicit and explicit understanding and agreement that effective actions lead to good outcomes; ineffective actions lead to poor outcomes.  Also “outcomes” is different than “goals” or “objectives” especially when it comes to performance review time where compensation and promotions are being considered.  During those reviews you are much less rated on your goals or objectives than on your outcomes.

* Find out more about forward and reverse cognitive biases and how to get through to people by getting into their thinking at the video: “Change Your Thinking Forever in 8 Minutes”

A good leader makes you want to do a better job;
a great leader makes you want to be a better person

What are the qualities and characteristics that great leaders possess?

If you’re fortunate, you’ll meet people over the course of your career and life that exceed your expectations in every way. When you work or spend time with them, you find yourself wanting to not just do a better job, but to be a better person. You put a lid on your neuroses and on your sense of entitlement and selfishness.  You work hard and as Harry S Truman would say, you do it gladly.

Why do we try to be the best that we can be with such people? Given the choice between instant gratification and the lasting satisfaction of earning the esteem of someone you deeply respect and admire, all but the most myopic of us would choose the latter.

What would happen to your leadership effectiveness if you became more like the people from whom others actively seek respect? How productive would your people become if they all felt that having you as a leader represented the rare opportunity to work with or under someone that people everywhere admire? How much harder would people work if they were inspired and motivated by the privilege of your adamant faith in their skills?

If you answered anything less than an enthusiastically positive response to those questions, imagine the effect on people if you acted in a manner that was the polar opposite of this. How motivated would your people be if you attacked, blamed, demeaned, made excuses,  complained and embarrassed them and yourself? Perhaps they’d work hard in the short run because of fear or even resentment. Your organization might squeeze a winning quarter out of intimidation, but without inspiration you will never build a winning company.

What are the qualities that leaders should aspire to in order to earn, deserve, and command respect? Look no further than a mentor whose belief in you made you want to give your best shot in your professional and personal life. Chances are they possessed the following four attributes:

• The judgment* to know the smart, wise and right thing to do.
• The integrity to do it.
• The character to stand up to those who don’t.
• The courage to stop those who won’t.

If you think the above terms are too abstract or “full of sound and fury signifying nothing,” imagine the effect on people if leaders possess their polar opposites.  If instead of judgement a leader consistently makes bad decisions (that are neither smart, wise or right); if instead of having the integrity to execute on those decisions, they don’t follow through; if instead of character they turn a blind eye to people who are disruptive whose negative behavior is obvious to everyone else; and if instead of having the courage to stop and/or throw out the destructive and toxic people whose behavior is either exasperating or scary to everyone else, what do you think their people would think in terms of their respect, confidence and trust in that leader?

A final perk to if you consistently practice and develop these qualities in your professional and personal life. You will accrue an additional benefit beyond getting the best out of your people, as well as your family. You will live a life that was worth giving your life to.

Usable Insight: Command respect, and people will beat a path to your door. Lose it and they’ll want to head for the exits.

* Judgment which is the cornerstone of leadership, does not mean that a leader has to be a “know it all.” in actuality they will do better to send their smartest, most passionate and most curious people out as scouts to find out what are in the hearts and minds of their people, customers and clients, investors, vendors and strategic partners.  One of the most innovative companies I know is IDEO and part of their tag line is that they are an “Innovation Consulting Frim.”  It sends their people go out into the world as anthropologists, sociologists and psychologists to bring back where people are coming from, what they need and want out of services and products. One of the qualities that they have is that they are to quote Saul Bellow, “first class noticers.”One of the best resources for developing this rare quality is: Judgment: How Winning Leaders Make Great Calls by Noel Tichy and Warren Bennis (Portfolio Trade, $17.00)

Here is just one example of the how this process can work well for you to get through to absolutely anyone.

From “Resistant to Doing” to “Listening” – Get them to open their arms in their minds

Remember the line in the children’s song, “The hip bone’s connected to the thigh bone?” Well your body posture in your mind is connected to your actual body posture.  People who are “Resistant to Doing” have their arms crossed and eyes looking at the ceiling communicating, “No way,” either in actuality or in their minds.  If you get them to uncross their arms and look at you instead of crossing their arms or looking at the ceiling in reality or in their minds, they will start to listen to and be open to what you say.

To do that, ask the other person questions about what they’re looking for or want or need and then:

1. Recreate what they said to the word by saying, “So you’re saying that what you are looking for (or want) is…..”  After you do that they will not be offended that you are mimicking them, but actually continue on.  As they begin to explain they will uncross their arms, because they will begin to attach some emotion to what they are saying.

2. As they speak remember what words they have a higher (and more emotional) inflection on. That is often attached to words showing hyperbole such as “never,” “always,” “impossible,” “if only.” Then reply with, “Say more about _____ (the emotionally laden words).”  At that point, they will start to use their hands to emphasize what they are saying, because words alone are not enough and they will begin to be open to what you say next.

3. After they say what they have to say, reply with, “Really!” with genuine enthusiasm in your voice and encouragement to them to keep speaking.

This will often result in the other person being more open to continuing to listen to you.  Try the above and see if it helps.

* If you try it and want to receive live personalized group coaching limited to five people with Dr. Goulston, additional and separate “Get Through NOW” Mastermind groups for managers and for sales people are now forming.  See special offer below.

SPECIAL INTRODUCTORY OFFER!

As one of Dr. Goulston’s newsletter subscribers (sign up at NEWSLETTER SIGNUP at upper right) and for a limited time only, you will receive a discounted rate of $350/month if you sign up to join the live, twice monthly, one hour groups limited to five people now forming for a three month commitment.  That is instead of the customary group rate of $500/month or Dr. Goulston’s individualized hourly coaching rate of $750/hr.

SPECIAL OFFER DETAILS

Additional resources:

• “Just Listen” Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone that recently beat out Steve Jobs and Blink! for Business and Investing at Audible Audiobooks.  Previously it reached #1 in China, Germany and Six Kindle business related categories.
• Catch This Week in Start Ups video with host Jason Calacanis interviewing Dr Goulston (reviewer: “I’m only about 10 minutes into the video and have to say that this is one of the most thought compelling videos i have seen on the interwebs.”)
• Hear Dr. Oz’s recent interview with Dr. Goulston on Oprah radio

So what do you do when logic, reason and overcoming objections may convince others, but they still don’t respond the way you’d like and logic, reason and overcoming objections are most of what you know?

Now more than ever, people seem resistant to being persuaded, convinced or pushed.  You may receive a “Let me think about it more” or “Can you give me a link or resource?” but don’t bet on their changing anytime soon.  What’s happening is that you’re dying for the sins of previous leaders who persuaded, convinced or pushed people and it ended poorly.

This Usable Insight is more of an ask than a tell.  Thanks to the support of so many people, my current book, “Just Listen” Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone has enjoyed great feedback, reviews and success.  It reached #1 at amazon in four categories, #1 in China and Germany and remained in the #1 or #2 spot at getabstract, the world’s largest library of business book summaries, for nearly two months. NPR host and uber career advice giver, Marty Nemko, went on to say that it could be this generation’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” Several people have gone so far as to say that it captured the essence of listening and made it implementable by everyday people.

Now here’s the rub.  Many of those people have said to me, “Just Listen helped them get through to others and have others open up, but what’s the next step? In business, much of your success focuses on getting people to respond in the way you’d like, helping both your company and themselves to be more successful.”  In these times when people are so weary and wary of being pushed, even the wonderful work — that you should read — of Robert Cialdini, author of Influence: Science and Practice and Kerry Patterson et al in Influencer:The Power to Change Anything are meeting challenges in getting people to do what you like.  People not only have their heels dug in; they seem to have taken root in the ground resisting nearly every effort to get them to change, even when it’s clearly in their own interest.

For a follow up book and program to “Just Listen,” my partner and co-author, Dr. John Ullmen and I have embarked on discovering the essence of influence and we’re doing so with and open mind and we’re “just listening.”  We’re following the wise and instructive words of famed psychoanalyst Wilfred Bion by “listening without memory or desire” (i.e. without any old or new agenda) to collect stories and insights from leaders’ own experience about what effective influence is and what it isn’t, what facilitates it and obstructs it.  Thus far the wise words of leadership guru, Warren Bennis, appear all too prescient when he said “Listen deeply to people, get where they are coming from and care about them when you’re there, and they’re more likely to let you take them where you’d like them to go.”

To that end, John and I would appreciate it if you would favor us with 15-20 minutes of your time to learn from you what you have learned about persuading and influencing your people, shareholders, customers and clients in these highly resistent times.  As an expression of our appreciation, we will share with you in an exclusive white paper the best practices (including your own) we discover, before the book comes out.  As an additional perk, several of the people we have already spoken to have thanked us after our conversation, because it helped them become clearer and more conscious of the process of influence they already use so that they could do it more effectively and consistently.

Please contact either John Ullmen at: john@ullmen.com or me at: mgoulston@markgoulston.com so we can set up a time to speak.

Too often however, the best-laid plans of mice and CEO’s goes nowhere because they have skipped the step of gaining buy in from the people who will ultimately execute the plan. Without buy in, these people don’t have enough of a stake to sustain their motivation through the entire length of a project. As soon as it becomes too frustrating, they begin to falter, often with the same justification that adolescents offer their parents: “It wasn’t my idea.” In other words, “Don’t expect me to keep trying when things becomes hard.”

What works better in the case of your people and teenagers is to follow the adage: “People try harder at what they want to do than at what other people want them to do.” In other words, if you want people to participate in moving your company forward, find a way to include them in the decision of how to do it.

You can do that by giving your top decision makers and department heads — who will serve as representatives from their area — the following POP Quiz. In this case, POP stands for whatever your company needs to do in order to “pop” forward into a more successful future.

Give the following quiz to your top decision makers and have your department heads give it to their people. What follows are the answers provided by a senior VP of sales in a company that sells computer peripherals.

POP Quiz

What do you see as the top three opportunities for increasing revenue to our company?

1. Increase follow up and service to our most satisfied and best customers and so exceed their expectations that they will spontaneously recommend us to their friends.

2. Be contrite, don’t make excuses, offer some restitution, correct the problem, and exceed the expectations of our disgruntled customers so that our humility and graciousness exceeds their expectations.

3. Determine who most urgently wants our services/products because they will gladly pay for them if they find out we have them.

What is your evidence that these opportunities actually exist (vs. pie in the sky, wishful thinking)?

Offered specific instances of the above being true.

What are the top three obstacles that prevent our company from taking advantage of these opportunities?

1. Poor follow up with satisfied and disgruntled clients/customers.

2. No systematic way to do the above on a regular basis. We need to make it one of our core values that we all practice.

3. Various people in management don’t practice the above with subordinates so you’re asking people to do something that isn’t practiced with them. Hypocrisy!

What do you see as three ways to save money in our company? Money that we’ll be able to redirect to taking advantage of our opportunities?

1. Get orders right the first time.

2. Follow up with customers and clients at the point when they should have started using our service/product and see if it delivers what we promised it would and what they’d suggest to make it better or other positive things we might point out to subsequent clients or customers that they have discover.

3. Track the effectiveness of marketing and PR campaigns. We need to know what, if, and how spending in those areas generates sales.

What is your evidence that doing these things will save money?

When we have practiced the above it saves money. Again, provided instances of the above.

What are the top three obstacles that prevent our company from doing these things to save money?

1. Inertia.

2. We need to see small subunits of our company embracing new ways of doing things and have it spread organically and virally, rather than trying to get the whole company to change at once.

3. People who will follow up and hold each other accountable long enough until changes become ingrained.

Most importantly (and be as specific as possible), who would need to do more of what (to take advantage of opportunities to increase revenue) and stop doing what (to save money). These should all be reasonable (i.e. make sense and be in keeping with overall mission of your company to becoming more successful and profitable) and realistic (i.e. doable). In other words, don’t suggest things that are patently unreasonable or impossible.

Identifying the specific people who will implement 1-6 above and what other things they will need to stop doing in order to implement them.

It may be best to have an independent outside consultant collect the results and distill them into a list of do’s and don’ts for the company moving forward. To facilitate this, the consultant should be given full authority by the CEO or principal decision maker to do this. Then the consultant should meet with each of the other top decision makers and department heads with the initial agenda of earning their trust and confidence.

Usable Insight: The greater the “buy in” the greater the “trying.”

Don’t ask a “reverse cognitive bias” thinker to come up with “goals.”

Not too long ago I spoke to Frank, the CEO of a $2 billion health products company, “How often do you use the word ‘goals’ in your management meetings?”

He answered with a revealing chuckle, “Always.”

I replied, “I take it from that chuckle that the room doesn’t exactly jump all over it with ‘when do we get started’ enthusiasm.”

“No.  I don’t think any of them have that kind of enthusiasm.  There are even several who have a ‘deer in the headlights’ look when I bring up the topic of goals,” he replied.

I explained: “Frank. You use the word ‘goals’ naturally, because as a successful CEO, your mind has a ‘forward cognitive bias’ that enables you to keep your eye on the horizon and articulate a compelling vision and then translate it into a strategy to get there. Most people in a company, who will never make it to CEO, have a ‘reverse cognitive bias’ in their thinking.  That means that their minds are more comfortable reacting to something after someone else like you has laid it out. It also means that the word ‘goals’ doesn’t compute in these non-forward bias, reactive individuals.”

“That’s very true,” Frank interjected, “in fact I can tell those people with leadership potential by their ability to look forward. And I must admit, we’re challenged right now in having any such individuals.  As you say, nearly all of them listen and then react to what I come up with.  What do I do about that?”

“First, realize that you have a serious succession challenge if you have few if any who can look forward and you will need to address that,” I answered and then continued, “but second, you will probably gather more enthusiastic participation and possibly even innovation if you frame the way you begin a meeting to match their ‘reverse cognitive bias’ minds instead of expecting them to be naturally forward thinkers.

To do that, ask your managers at the beginning of the next meeting: ‘a) Imagine that our meeting to discuss x agenda is over and you’re returning to your desks, your emails and your other work; b) Then imagine your saying to yourself, ‘That was a very productive meeting.  I now clearly understand what our strategic imperatives are and why they’re so important.  Furthermore I have a clear idea of what my department and specifically I need to do to make that happen and I am really pumped up to do those things; c) Can you all imagine having that reaction when you leave this meeting in 90 minutes? (hopefully they will nod in agreement); d) If so, then tell me what happens during this meeting to cause that reaction to happen.’”

“Then use their responses to guide how you lead that meeting,” I concluded.

When you cause your people to imagine that positive end result and then ask them to react to it by detailing what would need to occur to make it happen, you not only tailor your directive communication to their “reverse cognitive bias” mind, you set the stage for them to participate more fully in the meeting.

And as we all know, the more you get a team to participate in defining a desired outcome and strategy, the more inclined they are to participate in its execution.

* The above is adapted from a brief TED-like talk I gave at Big Task Weekend on September 30, 2010.  The essence of  my comments are that to persuade people in these “resistant to being sold times” it’s not enough to “get where people are coming from,” you need to “get into their listening.”  By that I mean not just what they listen to, but also how they listen.

If the above speaks to you, my partner, Dr. John Ullmen from the UCLA Anderson School of Management, and I have developed the Persuade Without Pushing program to teach you and your people how to sell your ideas, products and services in a post-selling world.  To find out more about our 2 – 4 hour presentation that will give you a taste as well as many immediately implementable takeaways contact either me at: mgoulston@markgoulston.com or Dr. Ullmen at: john@ullmen.com.
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And so when a recent LA Times article,  Time Warner chief Jeff Bewkes addresses succession plan at Warner Bros. talked about the “succession” planning at Warner Brothers Studios and I knew what respected class acts CEO, Barry Meyer and President and COO, Alan Horn are, I felt compelled to come up with some thoughts about how to increase their chance of success:

Here are some succession tips that even Harry Potter would approve (since I’m sure he would want to honor the studio that breathed video life into him):

1. Select CEO’s that engender Trust, Confidence, Respect, Admiration, Liking – These are the qualities that make for the most effective CEO’s when they inspire it from other executives, management, employees, board of directors, directors, producers, actors and others who deal with a company. If you’re fortunate enough to work under them, they not only make you want to do a better job, they make you want to be a better person (think John Wooden at UCLA). If you think this is all frou-frou, imagine how well or successful a company would run when the CEO engenders distrust, doubt, disrespect, disappointment and dislike. (check out: The CEO of the 21st Century).

Meyer and Horn appear to possess qualities that engender trust, confidence, respect, admiration and liking from the majority of their stakeholders.

Give the board of directors, employees and outside vendors or resources that interact with a company ownership in the succession, by sending out a request to all of them to:

a. Define what each of these terms mean to them: Trustworthy, Engendering Confidence, Commanding Respect, Inspiring Admiration, Likeable.

b. Under each term, describe the positive observable behaviors that people who possess each do and the negative observable behaviors they don’t do.

2. Select CEO’s who have a track record for instilling in their people the desire if not outright passion to embrace and embody all of the above characteristics (check out: Delivering Happiness: A Path to Profits, Passion and Purpose by Tony Hsieh).

3. Select CEO’s who make good judgment calls (Judgment: How Winning Leaders Make Great Calls by Noel Tichy and Warren Bennis is required reading).

a. Describe in as much detail as possible the decisions CEO’s in those positions will be called upon to make (it would be helpful to identify all the decisions that Meyer and Horn have made during their tenure at Warner Bros.).

b. Brainstorm among the Board of Directors and if necessary executive recruiters who are committed to the success of their candidates vs. just putting butts in seats about people who have a track record of making good judgment calls and decisions in multiple settings (a successful track record of positive measurable results in several settings bodes well for someone coming in from elsewhere) that might be available and ones who are already in companies, but might be wanting to make a change.

4. Select an extraordinary outcome* five years from now that the studio produces which triggers “OMG!” in movie goers, customers and clients and “Wow!” in employees, the Board of Directors, directors, producers, actors and shareholders.  For instance, an example might be that five years from now Warner Bros will have created a breakthrough entertainment experience that engaged the visual, auditory and kinesthetic senses in a way that movie goers have never had before. And it was made possible because the CEO and President of the studio were able to __________________ (fill in the blank).

5. Select a CEO who is successful at managing his own personal finances because there is research that shows that CEO’s who are mindful of that will be more mindful of their fiduciary responsibilities to shareholders.

* If coming up with and achieving Xtraordinary Outcomes (a new venture by Mark Goulston and Doc Barham) speaks to you, contact Mark at: mgoulston@markgoulston.com to find out more.