Are you one of the many who waited too long to get out of the market and are now waiting too long to get back into it? Is this not the first time you’ve done this? Is this also a time when you’re kicking yourself for acting this way and jealously resenting those who get out and get back in sooner than you?

What is it that separates those who benefit from or at least seem to be able to ride out market volatility from those who stay paralyzed on the sidelines?

Is it smartness? Somewhat. Is it discipline? Of course. Is it courage? Possibly. But is it something more? Definitely.

Those who do better with the wide swings and through crises have clarity. They know that GE, Microsoft, Proctor & Gamble and Mattel are going to be around through thick and thin. They know when they are truly undervalued and worth buying. On the downside, they know when a real estate debacle is heading our way or when stocks are so overvalued that they just don’t make sense. And that is just the tip of the iceberg of what they see so clearly. These people don’t have the courage of their convictions; they have the courage of their clarity.

On the other hand, people like you and me don’t possess such clarity in the financial arena. Instead we depend, trust and rely on people who exude confidence based on their clarity.

It’s not that they are clear and you and I are not. You and I do possess clarity in the non-financial aspects of our lives and when we do, it is that area where our clients and customers depend, trust, rely and have confidence in us. My internist possesses clarity about diagnosing and treating the multiple illnesses I have had during my life. My accountant possesses clarity about my tax issues. As for me, I may have little clarity regarding finance, but I am remarkably clear in seeing and calling people on the b.s. that they are doing to others or to themselves and that prevents them and others around them from performing to their full capability.

Here’s the rub and what causes us to freeze. When we discover that the person we trusted, depended on, relied upon and had confidence in lacks clarity and stops exuding confidence, we stop in our tracks. When as confident as we once felt about someone is as doubtful as we turn out to feel; when all the reassurance we felt from what they were going to do for us turns into worrying about what they are going to do to us; and when we are no longer able to depend on them nor ourselves, we become and remain stuck.

Since it is clear that we can’t rely on ourselves, why then don’t we go find new advisors? Some of us do, but many of us hesitate because we are acutely aware that the new ones have also lost money for their clients. We think that maybe it’s better to stay with the devil you do know instead of the devil you don’t.

Then why don’t we reattach and recommit ourselves to our financial advisors and tell them to continue to advise and make decisions for us financially? Two factors get in the way: first, if we feel disappointed or let down by them, we are hesitant to now freely give them our trust and confidence; second, our advisors know the results we received have disappointed us and their being uncomfortable with confrontation causes them to be tentative when they interact with us. We often mistakenly read that tentativeness in our advisor’s manner as a lack of confidence or clarity when in fact it may be entirely based on their awkwardness of dealing with us, knowing that we have been disappointed in them or even angry.

What’s the best thing to do? Meet with your financial advisor. In your mind stop looking to them to say “I’ll take care of you” and stop your passively dependent position that may have been fine during financially up times. Instead look to them to explain their understanding of what has happened, why it might have happened, the best approach to take going forward and why that is the best suited for you.

I have done that with my financial advisor through downturns of the past decade and have not only found their understanding and clarity very centering and reassuring, but have actually discovered that I am teachable in an area (finances) where I thought I wasn’t.

Check out my interview with Dr. Patricia Fitzgerald on my about to be published book “Just Listen.”

And check out the 5 for 1 special experts resources at: Growing Today

And of course, if you are so inclined, I would greatly appreciate your getting the word out about my new book, “Just Listen,” which will be formally published Wednesday, September 15. Last week, because of pre-orders at Amazon it reached:

#64 in all books
#6 in Business & Financing,
#1 in Motivation
#1 in Communications
#1 in Meetings & Presentations
#1 in Movers & Shakers

Integrity–noun: adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.
- Dictionary.com

In David Lazarus’ Sunday, June 21, 2009 Los Angeles Times column, “Taking integrity to the bank,” he spoke about the need for President Obama’s proposal for a regulatory agency to watch over the banking industry. This move is not intended to curb financial growth, but to protect the consumer from a now historic tendency by that industry to put its own greedy needs ahead of the trust of those it serves.

Here is the challenge. Can a greedy, self-justifying zebra like the banking industry change its stripes? Stated differently, can there ever be honor amongst thieves when they are, as Lazarus begins his column, “in denial?”

Regulation is certainly an understandable and necessary, “damage control” first response that seeks to control these companies from the outside in. However, I worry that it will be no more successful than putting in place a restraining order against a psychopath that is hell bent on defying it.

For true reform to take place, it has to occur from the inside (of bankers) out. To do that, banks and bankers must respond to the 4 H’s with the 4 R’s.

When the trust of consumers was savagely taken away, it triggered the 4 H’s of Betrayal:

1. Hurt – consumers have felt wounded by discovering that what they were told about saving for the long term (and many other things) by not taking risks was a lie.
2. Hate – after the pain of that initial wound has lessened sufficiently and they realize they haven’t been killed off, consumers hate the banks for lying to them, betraying them and rendering the world as they know it unsafe. In essence the bankers have done to consumers on an equal scale what terrorists did on 9/11.
3. Hesitation to Trust – when as safe as they thought they were is as unsafe as they turned out to be, consumers are not going to let their guard down soon and risk being betrayed again. That is fueled by the fact that the first betrayal/trauma may not have killed them off, but they fear a second one would. It is this fear of not being able to survive re-traumatization that fuels their guardedness.
4. Holding onto a Grudge – even if they could move past the Hurt, Hate and Hesitation to Trust, consumers will still Hold onto a Grudge. In that way they will have an automatic, built in deterrent to letting the banks hurt them again. You can’t hold a grudge and let someone through at the same time.

To address the 4 H’s of Betrayal, banks and bankers will need to follow The 4 R’s of Reform.

1. Remorse – this is the only response that Hurt will understand and accept and is the most difficult one for bankers (and most people) to offer. It is much more than Regret, which is simply saying: “I’m sorry. Trust me.  It won’t happen again. Now can we just move on?” It is looking into the eyes of the people a banker has betrayed, seeing in them the trust they broke, the deep and possibly irreversible injury they caused and saying from their heart: “I betrayed you. I lied to you. I broke your trust and a part of you. I was wrong and I did wrong.” The reason this is so critical and usually so lacking is that consumers need to see bankers knowing and feeling firsthand the pain they inflicted so that knowing how bad it felt, they wouldn’t do it again. Looking unflinchingly into the eyes of a person they harmed (imagine a rapist looking into the eyes of their victim at sentencing) and feeling embarrassment, humiliation, guilt and shame are the only things that will cause a consumer to believe that bankers will finally understand the damage they did.  It is only when bankers experience that deep penetrating pain that they’ll get a taste of what betrayal feels like.
2. Restitution – after showing true remorse the bankers need to offer a payback for the injury they caused. The Hate that victims feel requires this. Initially it involves bankers pausing to hear out and feel whatever their victims care to show them through their eyes and words (imagine “Hell hath no fury as a person who has entrusted their life savings to you, that you stole from”). But that is just the beginning. What victims need to then receive is an actual payback possibly in the form of legal prosecution, but furthermore in the form of an actual payback. No banker that made so much money off the backs of people they misled or lied to should have a second house or extra car while his victims have been foreclosed and maybe even rendered homeless.
3. Rehabilitation – this addresses consumers’ Hesitation to Trust. Unless consumers see that banks have a new way of pursuing their ambition and desire to make money that doesn’t cross the line into lying or manipulation, they are not going to trust the banks again. Furthermore, in order to truly believe that the banks have changed, consumers will need to see that the banks actually like and prefer their new “integrity based” values in doing business (think of the philandering husband who has learned to communicate his disappointment, frustration and hurt to his wife, before he acts out on it by cheating). This will be difficult, because ambition and integrity do not generally co-exist.
4. Request Forgiveness – after the banks have had a track record of at least 18 months of the first 3 R’s, which is the minimum time to replace the truly incorrigible, unscrupulous people in their ranks and then to internalize these values, banks will have earned the right to request forgiveness. Since you can’t undo what has already been done, this is all that the banks can do. At this point the banks and bankers that have followed the first 3 R’s are no longer unforgivable, those people who still refuse to trust are unforgiving.

That’s it. The 4 H’s of Betrayal and 4 R’s of Reform are the only steps necessary to repair the loss of consumer trust (a fascinating fact to me is that you can still increase consumer confidence without restoring consumer trust, but that is the subject for another column).

Unfortunately, I don’t have high hopes that this can or will happen. I don’t know many – or for that matter any – people who can make it through the first step of looking into the eyes of the people they have injured to their core, see the damage they wreaked, keep looking at it and admit they were wrong and then accept the punishment they deserve.

“Next time let’s leave out brains.”

- cartoon from 1960’s showing two amoebae speaking to each other after a nuclear holocaust that destroyed all other living creatures

I can imagine a current cartoon showing these same two creatures saying the same thing if and after the financial markets of the world completely implode.

If evolution is the process of a species evolving to more effectively interact with the environment for the enhancement of all living creatures and natural resources, then is it possible that the industrial revolution marked the downfall of evolution in favor of a short sighted and biologically short-lived, survival –and thriving –of the fittest?

Is it possible that the industrial revolution shifted human beings from being interdependently in balance with and generative and restorative towards nature to becoming in the end conspicuously consumptive and believing they could do so with impunity?

If these are so, then rather than taking a 30,000 foot view of the financial system, the time has come to take a 30,000 mile view of Earth as a “living system.” If we viewed it from that distance, what might we see?

In 1978, biologist, systems scientist pioneer, originator of the term “behavioral science” James Grier Miller published his 1102 page magnum opus, Living Systems. In it, he made a compelling and convincing case for the commonality shared by all living systems ranging from the simple cell through phylogeny to human beings to societies and ultimately to supranational (a.k.a. global) systems.

The conclusion to be gained from this… in order for any and all living systems to thrive, much less survive, the processes between societies, nations, individuals need to work interdependently for the benefit of the whole as much as the elements within a single cell need to do for it to survive.

To that end, the time has come for all nations and societies of the world to take that look from 30,000 miles and develop a shared vision of a future in which all living creatures and natural resources interact in a way that guarantees the future of all.

Resources to give you more perspective, more success and more peace of mind:

• The Great Manager’s Key: The Guide to Better Decisions February 24 webinar with Dan Ariely. Dan is on of the top thinkers and researchers in the area of behavioral economics and in his landmark book Predictably Irrational and this webinar you’l discover just how much your rational decisions are anything but that.
• Succession: Are You Ready? (Memo to the CEO) just released book by Marshall Goldsmith as sequel to his mega best selling book: What Got You Here Won’t Get You There Marshall’s entire approach has been to be aware of and take into consideration your effect on others if you want to maxize your performance.
• The Three Laws of Performance: Rewriting the Future of Your Organization and Your Life just released top ten best selling book by Steve Zaffron and Dave Logan that shows you how when you change the way the world occurs to you, you change the way you interact with it. For instance the world occurs to me as if Mother Earth is screaming out to be heard by all of us to stop squandering her limited resources.
• Tribal Leadership by John King, Dave Logan and Halee Fischer-Wright is the best blueprint for building a company, organization or society that functions and succeeds as an “all about we” vs. “all about me” tribe.
• Financial Darwinism: Create Value or Self-Destruct in a World of Risk by Leo Tilman offers a lens through which to see how and why the financial markets are acting the way they are and one of the best guides to move ahead, survive and thrive.