So what do you do when logic, reason and overcoming objections may convince others, but they still don’t respond the way you’d like and logic, reason and overcoming objections are most of what you know?

Now more than ever, people seem resistant to being persuaded, convinced or pushed.  You may receive a “Let me think about it more” or “Can you give me a link or resource?” but don’t bet on their changing anytime soon.  What’s happening is that you’re dying for the sins of previous leaders who persuaded, convinced or pushed people and it ended poorly.

This Usable Insight is more of an ask than a tell.  Thanks to the support of so many people, my current book, “Just Listen” Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone has enjoyed great feedback, reviews and success.  It reached #1 at amazon in four categories, #1 in China and Germany and remained in the #1 or #2 spot at getabstract, the world’s largest library of business book summaries, for nearly two months. NPR host and uber career advice giver, Marty Nemko, went on to say that it could be this generation’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” Several people have gone so far as to say that it captured the essence of listening and made it implementable by everyday people.

Now here’s the rub.  Many of those people have said to me, “Just Listen helped them get through to others and have others open up, but what’s the next step? In business, much of your success focuses on getting people to respond in the way you’d like, helping both your company and themselves to be more successful.”  In these times when people are so weary and wary of being pushed, even the wonderful work — that you should read — of Robert Cialdini, author of Influence: Science and Practice and Kerry Patterson et al in Influencer:The Power to Change Anything are meeting challenges in getting people to do what you like.  People not only have their heels dug in; they seem to have taken root in the ground resisting nearly every effort to get them to change, even when it’s clearly in their own interest.

For a follow up book and program to “Just Listen,” my partner and co-author, Dr. John Ullmen and I have embarked on discovering the essence of influence and we’re doing so with and open mind and we’re “just listening.”  We’re following the wise and instructive words of famed psychoanalyst Wilfred Bion by “listening without memory or desire” (i.e. without any old or new agenda) to collect stories and insights from leaders’ own experience about what effective influence is and what it isn’t, what facilitates it and obstructs it.  Thus far the wise words of leadership guru, Warren Bennis, appear all too prescient when he said “Listen deeply to people, get where they are coming from and care about them when you’re there, and they’re more likely to let you take them where you’d like them to go.”

To that end, John and I would appreciate it if you would favor us with 15-20 minutes of your time to learn from you what you have learned about persuading and influencing your people, shareholders, customers and clients in these highly resistent times.  As an expression of our appreciation, we will share with you in an exclusive white paper the best practices (including your own) we discover, before the book comes out.  As an additional perk, several of the people we have already spoken to have thanked us after our conversation, because it helped them become clearer and more conscious of the process of influence they already use so that they could do it more effectively and consistently.

Please contact either John Ullmen at: john@ullmen.com or me at: mgoulston@markgoulston.com so we can set up a time to speak.

Don’t ask a “reverse cognitive bias” thinker to come up with “goals.”

Not too long ago I spoke to Frank, the CEO of a $2 billion health products company, “How often do you use the word ‘goals’ in your management meetings?”

He answered with a revealing chuckle, “Always.”

I replied, “I take it from that chuckle that the room doesn’t exactly jump all over it with ‘when do we get started’ enthusiasm.”

“No.  I don’t think any of them have that kind of enthusiasm.  There are even several who have a ‘deer in the headlights’ look when I bring up the topic of goals,” he replied.

I explained: “Frank. You use the word ‘goals’ naturally, because as a successful CEO, your mind has a ‘forward cognitive bias’ that enables you to keep your eye on the horizon and articulate a compelling vision and then translate it into a strategy to get there. Most people in a company, who will never make it to CEO, have a ‘reverse cognitive bias’ in their thinking.  That means that their minds are more comfortable reacting to something after someone else like you has laid it out. It also means that the word ‘goals’ doesn’t compute in these non-forward bias, reactive individuals.”

“That’s very true,” Frank interjected, “in fact I can tell those people with leadership potential by their ability to look forward. And I must admit, we’re challenged right now in having any such individuals.  As you say, nearly all of them listen and then react to what I come up with.  What do I do about that?”

“First, realize that you have a serious succession challenge if you have few if any who can look forward and you will need to address that,” I answered and then continued, “but second, you will probably gather more enthusiastic participation and possibly even innovation if you frame the way you begin a meeting to match their ‘reverse cognitive bias’ minds instead of expecting them to be naturally forward thinkers.

To do that, ask your managers at the beginning of the next meeting: ‘a) Imagine that our meeting to discuss x agenda is over and you’re returning to your desks, your emails and your other work; b) Then imagine your saying to yourself, ‘That was a very productive meeting.  I now clearly understand what our strategic imperatives are and why they’re so important.  Furthermore I have a clear idea of what my department and specifically I need to do to make that happen and I am really pumped up to do those things; c) Can you all imagine having that reaction when you leave this meeting in 90 minutes? (hopefully they will nod in agreement); d) If so, then tell me what happens during this meeting to cause that reaction to happen.’”

“Then use their responses to guide how you lead that meeting,” I concluded.

When you cause your people to imagine that positive end result and then ask them to react to it by detailing what would need to occur to make it happen, you not only tailor your directive communication to their “reverse cognitive bias” mind, you set the stage for them to participate more fully in the meeting.

And as we all know, the more you get a team to participate in defining a desired outcome and strategy, the more inclined they are to participate in its execution.

* The above is adapted from a brief TED-like talk I gave at Big Task Weekend on September 30, 2010.  The essence of  my comments are that to persuade people in these “resistant to being sold times” it’s not enough to “get where people are coming from,” you need to “get into their listening.”  By that I mean not just what they listen to, but also how they listen.

If the above speaks to you, my partner, Dr. John Ullmen from the UCLA Anderson School of Management, and I have developed the Persuade Without Pushing program to teach you and your people how to sell your ideas, products and services in a post-selling world.  To find out more about our 2 – 4 hour presentation that will give you a taste as well as many immediately implementable takeaways contact either me at: mgoulston@markgoulston.com or Dr. Ullmen at: john@ullmen.com.
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1. Say/Do ratio stinks – When it comes to what they say about “succession” compared to what they do, they’re not even close to taking action.
2. “Yes but” any and every plan that is suggested to them – They consistently point out why any particular succession plan won’t work, instead of looking for how to make it work.
3. Don’t initiate discussions about succession – Those who resist succession rarely if ever initiate a discussion about succession much less do strategic planning, provide action steps with a time line and assigning role responsibilities to people who will carry it out
4. People are afraid to bring up succession to them – Often a domineering, if not bullying figure, people are already intimidated by them, so why in the world would they take the chance of annoying them?
5. Work is their life – They don’t have any hobbies or anything that produces the same adrenaline rush as the power they wield at work.  As one such CEO told me, “When you go from being somebody to being anybody, it’s the same as being nobody.”  Even though they might write checks, they are not passionately involved in non-profits or charities.
6. Work is their family – They are usually not capable of giving their undivided attention to their children or spouse often causing their family to retaliate for it with drugs and conspicuous consumption, a la home(s) decorating and/or their spouse becoming overly involved with and living through their children.  If they are fortunate, their family has subbed in with hobbies, teachers, coaches and/or parents of friends.
7. Won’t listen at work – They appear exclusively focused on the bottom line and their mantra is don’t bring me a problem unless you bring me a solution.
8. Overcompensated – They are frequently overcompensated for the real value they bring their company (which has long passed since they started the company or built it through its “go go” days, but no one dare says that “the emperor has less value.”  The CEO also often has a fear of losing this plus perks and prestige if they turn over the company to others.
9. Increasingly more irritable – They are not stupid and the more they consciously realize or unconsciously feel they don’t truly deserve what they’re paid (i.e. they certainly wouldn’t pay someone else the same if that other person gave the same value as they are currently giving) the more irritable they are.
10. They have fearful aggression – When high strung show dogs are afraid they growl (remember the movie, “Best in Show?”).  This is a more intense level than 9 above.  The more they are afraid that their real value (which is less than they what they are compensated) will be exposed and that they will be called on the carpet to prove it, the more aggressive they become in hopes that keeping people on defensive will keep them off the scent.

1. “How committed are you to succession?”
2. “Please offer me evidence of your commitment to succession as in strategic planning, action steps with a timeline and assigning role responsibilities to people who will carry it out?”
3. “If you are truly committed to succession, do I have your permission to seek out resources within and outside the firm to make that succession a success and to present them to you?” Then go and find those resources.