Usable Insight – Tiger Woods one year later
The thrill of a testosterone/adrenaline/dopamine rush
is only exceeded by the anguish of a crash
It’s been a year since Tiger Woods life as he knew it and how we thought we knew it fell apart. Assuming he’s not evil, and knowing he’s incredibly disciplined, what internal forces could he not resist?
One of the things that Testosterone, Adrenaline and Dopamine have in common is that the thrill, excitement and high that they collectively and to a certain extent individually produce is only exceeded by the impulsivity, poor judgment and sometimes desperation that a crash off them causes.
Testosterone = Aggression
Adrenaline = Power
Dopamine = Pleasure
One of the other things they all have in common is that they are very goal directed and often single mindedley so, because the pursuit and attainment of goal releases more TAD. That means that anything that thwarts or stands in the way of those goals can induce a “crash” and becomes neurochemically the enemy.
The realities and responsibilities of marriage and family can be a couple of those obstacles in a variety of ways.
First, the woman who absolutely adored you, thought you were so funny and made excuses for your misbehavior or even looked the other way, becomes the mother of your child or children. And suddenly you don’t seem so adorable and your antics are no longer funny, but silly, irritating and infantile.
Second, your wife, that mother to your children, is also not impressed by how self-absorbed you can be especially when your child (who may idolize you) can’t get your attention. Your wife is also painfully aware of having to keep up a front, and tells your children to do the same, to cover for the fact that, how shall I say this, you “suck” as a husband and dad.
Third, you begin to believe the adoration you get from fans who don’t see the petulant, sullen immature husband and dad who is prone to tantrums or cold sullenness at home. And the rage from children having to keep that secret combined with their still underdeveloped brains greatly increases the chances of their acting out as teenagers through drugs, alcohol, sex, fast cars and provocative behavior across the social media airwaves. All their “look at me” behavior is because you are not looking at them and no explanations by their moms on your behalf can overcome your child’s sense of betrayal.
Fourth, as you achieve money and power, you treat everyone like a possession, there to serve you at your pleasure and certainly not there to annoy you.
Fifth and finally, your incapacity for empathy (Testosterone, Adrenaline, Dopamine are all very self-serving and self-centered) compounded by your demandingness that your wife conform to your emotion and psychological needs brings out the ugliest and least lovable part of your personality.
Years ago I did house calls to the head of one of the largest entertainment companies who not only neglected his families emotionally, but abused himself physically by drinking himself into liver cancer in his early sixties. He liked the fact that I could be candid with him.
One day when I was visiting him I said, “You look like sh*t and I don’t think it’s because you’re dying, because you’ve been dying as long as I’ve known you. What gives?”
He looked at me and said, “I don’t think I’ve done anything important.”
I replied, “What? You’re nuts, you’ve created thousands of jobs, have a hospital wing named after you and created entertainment that thrilled millions…”
He interrupted me: “I have all the love that money can buy… and that’s all it’s worth. I also have a few ex-wives that I beat up on financially pretty good, a slew of kids some of which will piss away their trust funds in a couple months and I thought I could cheat bad health and death by living a completely out of control life with alcohol and drugs.”
I said: “So if I continued to tell you all the things you have done for the world, it wouldn’t matter?”
“No, not now,” he said adamantly.
This had me thinking (which as a former FBI and police hostage negotiator I was pretty decent as) and I replied: “You know, since I’ve been seeing you, there are two words that I’ve thought of , but I never told you them, because they are among the ugliest words in my profession. And those words are narcissist and psychopath and I’ve been thinking that they might just fit you. (then I picked up my tempo and intensity). You know. You might just be right. You probably did polish your public image at the expense of your family and of the people who loves you. You might have really blown it. You probably are getting exactly what you deserve and…”
“Okay,” he interrupted me with his jaw dropping that I could be saying these things, “Stop! I get it already! I get your point.”
“And my point is…?” motioning him to answer.
That’s when he flashed that sly smile that he was known for, “The point is that this is not a good time to be asking these questions.”
“Correct. Look you’re not perfect. Nobody is. I don’t think you’re evil just a bit flawed. Let’s go for pain control, morphine drip and then get out of Dodge with as little agony and as much dignity as possible. And hey, you didn’t do such a bad job. Just accept it.”
He replied, “I suppose you’re right.”
He died a couple weeks later.
Kinda makes you think about what’s important in life.
Tags: infidelithy, sex, sexual cheating
November 29th, 2010 at 1:20 am
I have yet to know a man who attained power and wealth that did not become so self absorbed……They all destroyed anyone and everything that got in their way of their self serving ego…..It is true that they are have boot lickers that surround them………….They get what they want and when……One has to leave to live their own truth….The relationship becomes a non relationship when Power is the only thing that matters…..They do believe their own press….And no one tells them the truth……..If you are the wife and stay grounded….It is destined for divorce……………….End of story…..The men continue on with the new wife or girlfriend but loose all humanity as they wander through life….That said …Finally…….They more than likely look like hell…Selling out and never knowing who surrounds them and for what reason…They infact lost it all……….Thats my take….Been there and done that……..
November 29th, 2010 at 1:24 am
Cheating infact is just a symptom of the real problem….They can cheat the govt….Hurt their family…….They live their lives to soothe their own ego……………Hurting everyone aiong the way……And in the end feel empty……..My x never cheated……..But…Bottom line? Got swept away climbing the so called ladder and believing his own press….A dangerous place…………….Cheating? Many definitions for it……Its not always about having sex outside the marriage….Is it?
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no one tells them the truth……..If you are the wife and stay grounded….It is destined for divorce……………….End of story…..The men continue on with the new wife or girlfriend but loose all humanity as they wander through life….That said …Finally…….They more than likely look like hell…Selling out and never knowing who surrounds them and for what reason…They infact lost it all……….Thats my take….Been there and done that……..
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