Solve Anything with Dr. Mark: Never say “Never”
Q: Talk about adding insult to injury, I always make matters worse after I screw up. And if that isn’t bad enough, I don’t ever seem to learn from my mistakes. Otherwise why would I keep making them? I wish there was a switch that I could pull so I could a) keep from making a bad situation worse and b) learn what to do so I don’t make the same mistake again.
A: There is something you can do. You can react to failure by blaming others, making excuses, feeling sorry for yourself or avoiding the world or you can use that pain to say to yourself, “Never again will I let this happen,” and come up with a plan to make good on your pledge.
Next time you are laying face down after making a mistake that you could have prevented, but didn’t, instead of blaming someone else, beating up on yourself or feeling sorry for yourself, take out an index card and fill out the following, which is “The Never Again Tool,” as found in “Get Out of Your Own Way at Work,” (Perigee, $24.95):
If I had that to do over again, what I would have done differently is ( ) because ( ).My commitment to do [ the new action] the next time is ( ) (1 = won’t do it; 5 = maybe; 10 = will do it). A good person to hold me accountable to doing that would be ( ).
Then seek out a person who you greatly respect, who believes in you and who you wouldn’t want to disappoint and tell them that you’re making a commitment to deal with stressful situations in a healthy way and you would like to ask you how you dealt with it, the next time it happens.
What raise?
Q: What’s the best way to get a promotion or a raise?
A: If you’re looking for a pay raise or promotion, you’ll need your boss on your side. Before helping an employee up the ladder, bosses — either consciously or unconsciously — ask themselves seven questions. If you can put yourself in your boss’ place and answer these queries, you’re much more likely to get the help you need. It also helps if you have a boss who gives credit where credit is due.
1. What can you get done for me? A dream employee reflects favorably on the boss and the department, getting great results with minimal training and hand-holding. Your boss must be able to size up quickly, simply and clearly the value of your work.
2. Why is that important to me? Your boss is looking for something that is important to him or her rather than to you. You may love some aspect of your work, but if it is of no value to your boss, who cares? Find out what the chief wants and needs most – and get it done. Then, without being too obvious, get it noticed.
3. Is that more than I’m getting now? Whether they own up to it or not, everybody wants more. It’s not just about greed – having more offers some protection against having less at some other time. Getting more from you also lets your boss feel smart for having you around.
4. Is that better than I’m getting now? Even bosses who desire quantity seek quality in your work. High-quality results that exceed expectations – not only of your boss, but your boss’ boss – will do wonders for your perceived worth.
5. Is that sooner than I’m getting it now? Time is money. If you can deliver the results sooner than your boss expects, it distinguishes you from other employees who may have trouble meeting deadlines.
6. Does it cost less than I’m spending now? Cost is vital to your boss. His budget is skimpy, but he has to make do. If your results far exceed your cost, you’re a diamond in the rough. Even considering cost sets you apart.
7. Is that less risky than what I’m doing now? As much as bosses like the excitement of a throw-caution-to-the-wind new project, the potential slips and slides scare them more. Help your boss safely take on bigger and better projects.
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Mark Goulston is a Santa Monica-based management and leadership adviser and author of “Get Out of Your Own Way at Work…and Help Others Do the Same.” Visit him at: http://markgoulston.com and e-mail your questions to mgoulston@markgoulston.com.
