Solve Anything with Dr. Mark at Tribune Media
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Almost everything in my life is a negotiation, from work to my wife to my parents to my kids. The problem is that I am minced meat with pushy and manipulate individuals. How do I keep from being run over by these people?
Another new year is here so it’s another year to lie to myself and everyone around me about all the resolutions I make that I never keep. How can I make ones this year that I actually do keep?
I’m the driven founder of a start up business that now has 12 employees. As a lot, they’re smart, not lazy, but not as productive as they should be. I’ve discussed it with each of them but it doesn’t seem to be getting better. What’s their problem or is it mine?
ore often than not, I get to the end of the day and say to myself, “I didn’t get anything done today.” Then I promise myself to accomplish something the next day and same thing happens. How do I break the pattern?
My friends tell me I am very smart and a quick study and yet I haven’t been as successful as they and I would have expected. I’m becoming increasingly frustrated and it’s bringing out a nasty side of me that I’m having trouble controlling. Any ideas on this?
I am a retired engineer from a major Southern California aerospace company. During my career, I accomplished many tasks under extreme program and schedule pressures. Unfortunately I was not very adept at managing the minefield of company politics. As a result I retired in 2000 from this company and have been doing consulting since then. Business is extremely slow and my 401(K) is less than a few pittances. I am 63, have three mastersaEUR(TM) degrees and a few certificates. So here’s the million-dollar request: What do I do to get rehired again?
I own a business with 40 employees. ItaEUR(TM)s a place that feels like family to everyone who works there. However, I am, by nature, a very controlling person. How do I fire someone I have known for 20 years, whose wife and my wife are close friends and who may have trouble landing another job? I should have fired him two years ago but I have been avoiding doing it because I feel so guilty. I can’t avoid it any longer.
I have a college degree, but so do millions. I have had a variety of jobs, but so have millions. I have a pretty solid resume, but so do millions. I need a job, but so do millions. I have read books and your columns, but so have millions. If there was a single quality that all companies are looking for in the people they hire, what would it be?
Q: I’m a hard-driving lawyer and I am embarrassed to admit the following. A: You can be embarrassed about being a narcissist, but you should feel good about making a commitment to stop it. 1. Tell them that you have discovered and accepted that you are a narcissist and have always put yourself first in your dealing with them and that you have been wrong. 2.
Q: I am sometimes asked for a biography and sometimes asked for a resume when applying for a job. A: Los Angeles based professional business writer Pat Kramer suggests preparing a resume if you have had work experience in many different jobs over a period of time. As far as the do’s and don’ts involved, a resume is usually one page in length, although it can go two pages.
Q: I seem to get hurt a lot. A: Others better tolerate being needy when you’re younger, but as you get older, you will be perceived as too high maintenance by others who will either avoid you or become hostile toward you. How can you tell if you are too needy? Do you whine? Do you come off like a victim? Do you feel sorry for yourself? Do you want people to feel sorry for you?
Q: Because I am a highly competent CPA, people put up with the fact that I don’t listen. A: If I tell you, will you listen? Removed Listening: This is Avoidant Listening. Reactive Listening: This is Defensive Listening. Responsible Listening: This is Problem Solving Listening. Receptive Listening: This is Inviting Listening.
Q: I like to give to people. A: You remind me of a number of people I know who like to give and love to feel needed, but hate to feel used. He has also found a way to weed out the “takers” early. This tends to make takers feel nervous, because they get a sense that you are on to them.
Q: I’m consumed with envy and jealousy. A: Envy is wishing you had something that someone else has; jealousy is being angry at them for having it and wishing they didn’t. One of the psychological ways it hurts you, besides the obvious, is that feeling jealous and angry at friends can make you feel ashamed and down deep not deserving of success or happiness. Regarding origins.
Q: I graduated with a computer engineering degree in December of 2005. A: Know where you want to go; 1. Identify the people who can help you get there; 2. Get with those people and help them succeed; 3. Let them reciprocate by helping you do the same; 4. Stay in regular contact with those people; 5. Enjoy mutual success and a great relationship.
Q: How could I give the best answer if a hiring manager asks me this question: How do you handle difficult people? A: Here’s something you can say and use: “What I’ve discovered about nearly all difficult people is that they have a way of exasperating or infuriating you. “What’s the solution?
Q: My studio grabbed me right out of film school because of my award-winning student films and creativity. A: As Joan Rivers might say: “Oh grow up!” Really! But before you go sniveling back to your student-film award, adorned office there is one way to have your chance to show your creativity. In the business world, it’s called, “ETR” which means you need to Earn the Right.
Solve anything with Dr. Mark: Career advice for the working class; Creating ads causing major problems
Q: Maybe I’m not cut out for creating ads. A: You remind me of an ad man I worked with in psychotherapy who had a very similar problem. with something. referred to in my trade as “countertransference.” This is usually a “no-no,” but on this occasion it worked. I know very little about writing ads, but nevertheless I started to suggest catchy ones that he might try.
Solve anything with Dr. Mark: Career advice for the working class; Excuses pile up as work goes undone
Q: I have an accountability problem with a secretary who works for me. When I ask her to do something, instead of doing it, she makes excuses, gets defensive or emotionally upset. A: Stan Barkey, a principal at Stan Barkey Consulting in Cupertino, shared with me one of the most effective techniques he learned and used while working as a director for State Farm Insurance.
Q: I ran a start-up Internet based training company that was the love of my life but ran out of money. A: I completely understand that “virtue may be its own reward,” but it doesn’t pay the bills. After you have identified those companies, what they are trying to accomplish and when they are trying to accomplish it, think of someone who can introduce you to them.
Q: I goofed on an order, and I’m afraid to tell the client. A: People will forgive an honest mistake, but they won’t forgive you if you lie. 1. Remorse – Quickly own up to your mistake and say you’re sorry without excuses or blaming others. 2. Restitution – Offer something in return for your client’s inconvenience. 3. Rehabilitation – Figure out a solution so this mistake does not reoccur.
Q: I am in sales and I’ve been at my company for six months and my co-workers are still treating me like an outsider. A: Yes you can, but it’s time to dive and conquer. Go to each co-worker and tell them you ran the idea of going out with them by your supervisor who told you to go for it. 1. What is something they wish someone had told them when they started selling at your company?
Q: How do I get my boss to give me a raise at the part-time job I’ve been working at for two years? A: Bosses usually ask themselves seven questions before they are likely to give you a raise. 1. What have you been able to GET DONE for me? 2. Why is that IMPORTANT to me? 3. Is that MORE than I’m getting now? 4. Is that BETTER than I’m getting now? 5. Is that SOONER than I’m getting it now? 6.
Q: Technology makes your life easier. A: If you make and take the time to use all the features of Microsoft Outlook or other popular contact management software, it will save you time later.
Q: Talk about adding insult to injury, I always make matters worse after I screw up. A: There is something you can do.
Solve Anything with Dr. Mark: Career Advice for the Working Class; New father wants to make daughter proud
Q: Even though I’m not a big shot, I’ve lately been feeling like one of those big corporate crooks who’ll never get caught. A: It’s not too late to come clean and let your daughter’s love and trust be your conscience and guide. Here are 10 tips for being worthy of her love and trust and for raising your self-esteem. 1. Raise the self-esteem of others. 2. Push outside your comfort zone. 3.
Solve Anything with Dr. Mark: Career Advice for the Working Class; Dealing with a new job’s change of pace
Q: I’m a millennial and I’m starting a new job in a bricks and mortar company. A: Wow, a ME-llenial asking for advice. Q: I can’t stand to get “No” for an answer. A: Your friends are right, but there is actually another way to look forward to getting a “No.” The way to do that is to realize that until you get a “No,” you’re not asking for enough. Here’s what to do.