Collaborative Advantage – Taking the Stress out of Marriage
These are the times that try men’s souls
and cause couples to be at each other’s throats.
An ounce of anticipatory humility is worth a ton of ugly arguments.
Once people are in a reactive mode, all bets are off, but if you can focus on the future that has not yet been messed up, a couple can take a lot of the stress out of their relationship.
The way to do that is to go to your partner and say: “I would like to be a better husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend going forward. What is one positive thing that if I were to start doing and one negative thing that if I were to stop doing going forward, would cause you to feel better about me and being in this relationship? I would like to do those until they become ingrained as new habits and then I’ll ask for more behaviors to work on.”
Then whatever they say, repeat it back to them to make sure you’re both seeing the same behavioral change, then add: “By the way, if I agree to start making these positive changes and keep adding to them once they become habits, will you agree to let go of the past which will only demotivate me from wanting to make these changes?”
If you like those, I am the best selling author of four books including The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship: How to Fall in Love Again…and Stay There (Perigee, $14.95)
December 18th, 2008 at 3:48 am
Nice! i`ll be stopping by from time to time
January 11th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
You are the greatist!
January 11th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
Very good place
January 17th, 2009 at 11:32 pm
You are the greatist!
January 26th, 2009 at 1:13 am
Hello there,very nice place
January 29th, 2009 at 12:09 am
Very good place
January 30th, 2009 at 7:48 am
Found your feeling titled Collaborative Advantage – Taking the Stress out of Marriage is decidedly intriguing! Enjoyed studying it today and discovered a few of the inputs every bit intriguing.
February 24th, 2009 at 3:08 am
Mom Blogs – Blogs for Moms…
…
March 19th, 2009 at 8:04 pm
I really liked the way they came off
June 17th, 2009 at 7:44 am
Great information, thanks for sharing. It really helped me!
December 9th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
I love to read articles that are informative, Thanks again for a nice site
December 9th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Thank you very much for providing this post.
December 9th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
Generally I do not post on blogs, – but I would like to say that this post really forced me to do so! really nice post.
May 18th, 2010 at 2:19 pm
You own a very interesting blog covering lots of topics I am interested as well.I just added your site to my favorites so I can read more in the future… Please continue your marvellous work
May 20th, 2010 at 3:47 am
Exceptional site, where did you come up with the knowledge in this piece of writing? I’m happy I found it though, ill be checking back soon to see what other articles you have.