The Website of Dr. Mark Goulston

When you start spending more time
with people you respect and want respect from
those you don’t become utterly repulsive to you.
And you can’t remain long in a relationship
with someone that makes your skin crawl.

This Usable Insight was inspired by my good friend Ed Hollander’s blog, “Cutting Your Losses.” It’s amazing how inspiring a genuine, vulnerable and authentic blog like his can be. I encourage you to visit and post comments.

It’s amazing how long you can remain in an awful relationship and make all kinds of excuses for staying there. If by good fortune,or by realizing that there is a better life possible for you may start to think differently. And if you then start spending more time with people you respect and esteem, you will discover that your tolerance for the losers quickly turns to intolerance and then repulsion.

As the adage goes, “Where there’s a will there’s way,” and disgust is a very powerful means of giving you that will to leave.

If you think this is a bit on the harsh side, I’ve got Dhammapada, a Buddhist book of scripture to back me up as contributed to me by Morgan Smith of the Burns Advisory Group:

Verse 61. Do Not Associate With The Ignorant

If a wayfarer fails to find
one better or equal,
steadfast he should fare alone
for a fools no fellowship.

BTW it will not be easy to cut your losses with such people because they “will not go gently into that good night” (of no longer being able to suck the life out of you). When you do decide to pull the trigger, don’t get into a debate, because you can’t argue with ignorant blamers or complainers. Be concise, to the point, steadfast and non-negotiable. Let them have the last word, respond with: “I’m sorry you see it that way,” then exit and once you’re out of view, run as fast as you can.

To get a taste of what a classy, wise and respectworthy person sounds like, catch my former mentor and now good friend Warren Bennis in his recent “Leading for a Lifetime” teleforum at Leading News. I must admit that having Warren as an addition in my life, greatly accelerated my repulsion for people I should have cut loose long ago.

If you get on a roll of wanting to hear from other great people, you will also want to catch, Cathy Greenberg’s webinar on “What Happy Companies Know: How Peer Coaching Delivers ” on August 12.

And finally you might also want to catch best selling author, Dan Heath present, Strategy and Messaging: Making Your Ideas Stick on August 28.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 6th, 2008 at 10:43 pm and is filed under Radio/Podcasts, Usable Insights. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.