Usable Insight - Does Your Child Have “The Right Stuff?”
first seen at divorce360
Every time you bail out your child
there are 10 million children the same age in the world
facing, paying and learning from the consequences of their actions
and becoming tougher, stronger and smarter.
One day one of those children will be the boss of your child
and will not bail them out.
So what is a parent to do when their child unrelentingly refuses to do without something they want or refuses to do something they don’t want to do?
It’s simple, but not easy. Just say, “No.”
And if and when they have that temper tantrum, give them that time out, explain (but don’t lecture) what the consequence is and why you are giving it (i.e. to help them develop behaviors that will make them happy and successful in life), keep your word and turn the car around and take them home (or at the very least pull off or to the side of the road calmly, turn the car off, take the keys out of the ignition and wait) and come up with consequences that you keep.
Need some reinforcement? Maybe this will give you pause to think.
Imagine how unsuccessful and unhappy your child will be if they grow up with no self-discipline. It shouldn’t be difficult, because if you can’t give them consequences that you keep, you most likely lack self-discipline. And that has most likely contributed to whatever success and happiness you may be lacking.
How well you realistically and consistently discipline your child hardwires their personality and determines how much self-discipline they will have in the future.
If you don’t say, “No” to what they gotta’ have today, your children won’t have the self-discipline to earn what they want to have tomorrow.
Find more of Mark’s parenting and relationship tips at divorce360.
I am pleased to announce to my subscribers that to better serve you I have started a “Obstacles - What’s Holding You Back?” group at my partner Keith Ferrazzi’s (author of Never Eat Alone) community. Please visit, share and learn how to overcome your roadblocks to success and happiness.
August 29th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
I see this “inability” to be the adult everyday as a healthcare provider. Being a parent goes far beyond material things.
Adults commit to using limited resources wisely. That means:
1. eating the right proportion of fruits, vegetables, protein and fats in your diet;
2. exercising everyday;
3. managing your stress (and anger) appropriately; and
4. getting adequate amounts of sleep every night.
Because individuals are not committed to telling themselves (or others) “no,” we have people who overeat, who eat poorly (when they do), who allow stress and anger to affect their relationships with others (at work or at home), and who fail to place limits, telling themselves they’ll sleep when they’re dead.
August 31st, 2008 at 8:50 am
Mark–You are absolutely correct. I remember pulling my car off the road many times and just waiting. One time I even cancelled a planned airplane trip because one of my children lied. (And we caught her.) Being a parent is the toughest, yet the greatest job we have. That being said, discipline needs to be given under the umbrella of love. If children know they are loved, we tell them we love them, and our actions show we love them, many behavior challenges drop away.
November 23rd, 2008 at 2:09 am
Hello I like your post “Usable Insight - Does Your Child Have “The Right Stuff?”” so well that I like to ask you whether I should translate into German and linking back. Answer welcome. Greetings Kroatien
November 24th, 2008 at 8:18 am
Hi there I like your post “Usable Insight - Does Your Child Have “The Right Stuff?”” so well that I like to ask you whether I should translate into German and linking back. Answer welcome. Greetings Schlauchboot
December 31st, 2008 at 1:31 pm
hi…
everything dynamic and very positively…
January 1st, 2009 at 10:59 pm
greatings…
I have already seen it somethere…
January 3rd, 2009 at 12:19 am
hey…
Ugh, I liked!…