The Website of Dr. Mark Goulston

Thanks to all my loyal subscribers, colleagues, friends and their friends, my June 25 Leading News TeleForum set the record of most registrants - 1600 - beating the prior record of 900, by 700 people. There was also a 90 % retention rate for people staying the full length of the program.

My guess is it wasn’t just about being loyal. People were no doubt interested in the title: “Prevent Your Career’s Greatest Tragedy.” That’s probably because if they are like me, they have already done things they regret and want to make sure they don’t do those things again or other things they will regret.

Coming to the end of your career or your life with much more regret than satisfaction is a tragedy, because it’s preventable.

Warren Buffett has said that people don’t succeed, because they get in their own way, not because the world doesn’t let them.

Continuing to engage in self-defeating behavior (rather than success producing behavior) is how you get in your own way.

The reason it is so difficult to stop self-defeating behavior is because it usually makes you feel better for the moment. It feels good to procrastinate (until you then have to do it and feel much more pressure), get angry (until it makes things worse), say “yes” when you should say “no” to get someone off your back (until you just have to do it again later).

The reason we engage in self-defeating behavior is because it relieves stress and prevents distress. When you’re stressed you feel tense, but can still hold onto your goals. However when the stress becomes too much, it crosses over into distress and at that point you let go of your goals to focus on relief and that is what self-defeating behavior offers.

But after you engage in it, you have to hide the mess you’ve made from others, and then hide it from your self-respect. Moreover, others who handle the stress better, will pass you by.

To hear the TeleForum, go to: Prevent Your Career’s Greatest Tragedy.

To recognize 40 common self-defeating behaviors at work, check out: Table of Contents - Get Out of Your Own Way at Work.

To recognize 40 common self-defeating behaviors in life, check out: Table of Contents - Get Out of Your Own Way.

To begin to overcome self-defeating behaviors at work check out:12 Steps to Get Out of Your Own Way at Work.

Oops, I forgot to include a Usable Insight. How about this one adapted from the talk?

Before you can be fruitful and multiply,
you need to be surgical and subtract.

If you’re having trouble sticking to a diet or exercise program, take this observation into account. Most people fall off a diet or exercise program after they have just had contact with a person or situation that frustrated or exasperated them. After such an encounter that drains you, the last thing you want to do is eat healthily or exercise (if they are not already things you like).

So…

1. take out a piece of paper
2. draw a vertical line down the middle
3. list the people and situations on the left side that suck the life out of you
4. list the people and situations on the right side that give you energy
5. make a commitment to minimize contact with those people and situations on the left and maximize contact with those on the right

To take advantage of the offerings made at the Leading Edge event go to: Dr. Mark’s TeleForum

P.S. an MP3 file of my TeleForum will be available shortly.

(c) 2008 Mark Goulston

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